struggling in my self-relationship

“The most important relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.”

It is, indeed, isn’t it! I know it sounds pretty weird the way I put it here, but seriously if you look at the practical meaning of the phrase then it does make absolute sense. Thus I actually do consider the relationship with myself greatly essential. Well, in that case, I am extremely unhappy, uncomfortable and unsatisfied with myself lately.

Why?

Ok here are the reasons for my ‘self-relationship’ falling apart:

1.      I’ve been feeling very unwell lately. Simply because I am not healthy. I am not healthy. Oh no! Sad fact, is it not? Yes it absolutely is. I am 22 years old, turning 23 in less than a month, and still some kg overweight. Speaking of which, the older I get, the more difficult it is for me to get to the point of a fitted body achievement. Arrgg the more I think of it (by ‘it’ I mean this obstacle), the more I get so upset with myself for being such a lazy ass – not working out, not doing anything to help improve my own well-being, except my skin. Arrrgg…

On top of that, I have a series of other health-related issues: regular headache (unknown reasons), bad skin (continuous breakout and acne suffer), low-function livers, constipation, irregular periods (unknown reasons, perhaps some kind of ovaries’ disorder???), and (some kind of) eating disorder (unidentified which now)/or simply not eating well…

2.      I am still a procrastinator at heart, no matter how much I try not to be one. In this special self-relationship of mine, the most disappointed thing I always have is that stupid procrastination. Always knowing that drawback, yet never be able to fully overcome it is really frustrating, or depressing even. I am super unhappy that I cannot do anything about it, other than giving in to procrastination. Studying, working out, I always give myself some kind of excuses for the postponement of doing things. Seriously Chi, why do I always have to be an ultimate procrastinator? Moreover, why do I always compromise that procrastination driving force? Why why why????????

3.       I cannot be happy with myself and my life. Part of the reason is that I do not make any improvements or success, the rest of the reason is that my mind does not seem to be able to find ‘inner peace’. On top of all that, the dilemma of GRE continuous anxiety and procrastination of study really makes me super duper miserable. Oh well, what do I do!!!!!!

(edit later)